What is findom? Is it a real kink or just people out for easy money?
Findom is a Kink
Findom, also known as financial domination, is absolutely a kink. Like all kinks, there are many aspects to it, and not everyone is going to be into it.
Findom, at its core, is domination in the financial realm.
Often, the submissive is ‘forced’ to give money or gifts to the dominant. There may be a regular payment to the dominant, known as “tribute”. It could involve consensual blackmail.
In TPE (total power exchange) relationships, financial domination can involve one partner setting the budget and managing the finances. There are as many ways to do findom as there are people into the kink.
Don’t think that the world of financial domination only involves men giving money to domineering women, people of all genders and orientations can get off of the exchange or money. It isn’t always submissives giving money to dominants either; a dominant who gives their submissive an allowance each week could be considered financial domination too.
The world of financial domination has its own language, much the same as other niche kinks. Findom may refer to the kink, as a shortened version of financial domination, or to the person, as in financial dominant. Findomme is a common variant for female financial dominants.
The submissives in this kink may be referred to by derogatory names, as much of financial domination has to do with humiliation and powerlessness. Pay pig and ATM are the ones that you hear the most, but other names can be used.
For some sugar relationships, there is an element of power exchange, so terms like sugar baby and sugar daddy/mommy may be used too.
Money as Power
Money is the most tangible representation of power that we have in our modern world. If you have money, you have power. This concept is nothing new and has been borne out throughout history. The person who holds great wealth also holds great power, so it makes sense that the act of giving away money equals giving away power in some minds.
I will admit to being one of those people; I love getting gifts from admirers, my session fee (as a pro domme), etc. It hits the same buttons for me as other forms of power exchange. I don’t always require it and I’ve never engaged in the stereotypical findom stuff because that model doesn’t appeal to me, but other forms of financial domination do (consensual blackmail anyone?).
When they hear the words financial domination, most people have a specific and vivid image in their head. A bitchy woman demanding gifts and cash from a pathetic man. This is the most obvious face of findom.
The women provide attention or assignments in exchange for money, generally online. This is often wrapped up with various forms of humiliation, whether it’s verbal, or paying to have a picture posted on the “wall of shame” on a website.
In a healthy financial domination relationship, things will be thoroughly negotiated and everyone will know upfront what to expect. The dominant and submissive will agree on a budget, either for a single session or as a weekly/monthly tribute. Think of it like negotiating any other sort of play, except that the hard limit is the amount the submissive can spend. Some pay pigs beg to spend more in the heat of the moment, an ethical findom will not allow it.
In this style of findom, there is the familiar idea that the submissive should suffer for the pleasure of the dominant. The submissive is expected to subsist on minimal income so that the dominant can enjoy luxuries at their expense.
Rumors of bankruptcy are generally just that: rumours. It’s part of the fantasy, to give a woman so much power that she ruins the man financially. I look at it like CBT fetishists who fantasize about castration; very few really want it, most just want to talk about or role play.
Blackmail is similar to the stereotypical findom, where the submissive tells the dominant secrets and then pays to prevent the dominant from telling everyone. Many of these fantasies consist of a threat to tell family or post humiliating pictures on the internet.
Blackmail, in this context, is a fantasy version of the real thing. The payments are negotiated, the blackmail material is provided by the person being blackmailed and the threat of exposure is often just a threat.
The submissive craves the thrill that comes with the fear of exposure while the dominant loves the power that fear affords.
Total Power Exchange
Financial domination often happens within the bounds of a total power exchange relationship. The dominant decides how money gets spent and the submissive complies. This control can range from day to day expenses to major purchases.
Even though the submissive may pay the bills, it is the dominant who controls the flow of money. Here, the dominant makes sound financial decisions to ensure the comfort and stability of the partnership. Most times, the dominant is also contributing financially to the relationship. This style was quite normal in marriages in the not so distant past, with the husband making financial decisions and leaving the wife the chore of going to the bank to ensure everything is paid properly.
Money as Insult
Most of findom consists of giving power by giving money, but for some, giving money is akin to humiliating their partner. It could involve the submissive begging for money, performing humiliating acts for pocket change, or similar activities.
The idea here is that the dominant has so much money, it holds little value. This is paralleled by the idea that the submissive only gets the small bits of power/money that the dominant chooses to give them. This is best expressed in terms of the manipulative or cruel patron. The submissive is expected to perform for the dominant’s table scraps.
Scams & Scammers
I will not deny that some people get into findom because they think they can get easy money. Those people quickly find that financial domination relationships are like any other, they take work and effort on both sides.
While this is enough to turn off many who don’t genuinely enjoy financial domination, some do stick around. Some develop a taste for the kink, others are just good at pretending. I don’t consider these people scammers since they will deliver what the submissive is looking for.
The scams happen when the clueless think that this is easy money and manage to find some unwitting person who thinks that all kink requires money. They may tell them that it’s normal to pay a tribute or ask for gifts that will be used when the two meet (hint: there won’t be a meeting). This type of behaviour is unethical at best and gives the findom kink a bad name.
Scammers will also aggressively solicit submissives. Good findoms will only post ads where they are allowed. So even if you are looking for a Findomme or Findom, approach them in places where it is appropriate; findom websites, forums, etc. It’s also a good idea to check references if you can. It’s a small community and word travels fast.
Financial Domination is Kink
If the exchange of money turns you on, you aren’t alone. Many people are genuinely into financial kinks but it may take a while to find them. Do your homework, check their website, profile, etc for inappropriate activity. If you can find others who know the person, ask around about them. Be clear about what you are getting for your money. A financial dominant who refuses to negotiate is either ignorant or a scam.
Finally, if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
If you’re not into money fetishes, just remember: your kink is not my kink and that’s okay!