Does penis size really matter?
I read an article recently about a sex worker who wanted to bust some of the myths about penis size. She wanted to share her expertise as a woman who has seen a lot of penises, of varying sizes.
I see these types of questions asked all the time on Fetlife. Men are seemingly obsessed with the size of their penis. Do women prefer length vs girth? Do women like average or huge? Will women break up with a guy because he has a small penis?
Aside from being horribly hetero-normative, these questions reveal an obsession with something that really doesn’t matter to many women, including myself. Generally, men are far more concerned about the size of their penis than women are.
The ‘ideal’ cock
Which one is the ‘ideal’ cock? He has so many to choose from!
There is no ideal cock that all (straight) women will be happy with. What is too long for one woman will be too short for another. Same thing with the thickness.
Studies show us that the average length is just over five inches long. While that means that there are a bunch of longer than five-inch cocks, there are also a lot shorter than five inches. What does this mean? Not a whole lot. Although it does show us that the porn ‘ideal’ is an unrealistic view of penis size.
Need a big cock to please a woman?
Many men believe that penis size is correlated with a man’s ability to please a woman. The vast majority of women don’t even orgasm from penetration or penetrative sex alone, needing some sort of direct clitoral stimulation to cum.
A person who cares about his partners pleasure, who can communicate effectively and even follow a bit of direction is going to make a better lover than someone with a big dick alone. Understanding what type of stimulation your partner needs to achieve orgasm and being willing to provide it, through manual stimulation, oral or the use of toys is what will make a man a good sexual partner.
On top of that, many women find that if a partner has a larger than average penis, it can become quite painful to have sex in certain positions or at all. Bigger isn’t always better!
For many women, having a partner who knows how to use his hands and mouth is far more important than the size of his penis. Even better is a partner who isn’t intimidated by sex toys and is willing to use a vibrator with his woman.
Women talk about your penis
Do women gossip about the size of a man’s cock? Is it the first thing they tell their friends, giggling about those who don’t measure up?
While women do often talk about sexual partners and adventures, penis size is more of a passing comment, if it even comes up at all. At least that’s been my experience in the more than 20 years that I’ve been talking about guys with my lady friends.
When women talk, we are much more concerned about the other aspects of the encounter. Was he romantic? Did we get off? How many times? How hot was he? Of course when it comes to BDSM, the conversation gets even further away from the size of his cock. Was he obedient? Dominant? What skills did he have? Does he give a good foot rub?
Of course, for every rule, there is an exception. There are women who do care about the size of a man’s cock. They may have very specific requirements about the penis size of their partner. Usually, they will make this known upfront, so if you don’t measure up, you can move on to someone who will appreciate what you have to offer.
Small Penis Humiliation
On the flip side, there are some men who enjoy being humiliated for having a small cock – whether they actually have a small one or not. SPH is a somewhat common kink among men who enjoy humiliation play in general. This kink plays off the anxiety that small penises mean you’re less than a man. As with many kinks, what can appear to be hurtful is actually a turn on.
It is important to recognize the difference between people engaging in small penis humiliation as a consensual kink and reality. In reality, shaming a man for the size of his cock is unacceptable and a shitty thing to do. Consensually negotiated SPH can be a lot of fun between trusted partners.
It’s the person, not the penis
Remember, there is so much more to a man (or a person) than the size of the penis. Women tend to look for the whole package, not just the size of his package. We want a whole person. So no matter what you’re endowed with, you can certainly please a woman sexually – but you’re going to need more skills than just having a big cock.
Do you have questions about penis size or issues surrounding penis size? Get your questions answered by Morgan Thorne!